Monday, December 28, 2009

Xmas mood and New Year Resolutions!

Why is it that when you buy stuff for kids, your ALWAYS bound to NEVER have enough batteries or the patience to untwist the multiple twist wires that hold the toys into the packaging. its hard to calmly do it when there are a million and the child is at your side begging you to hurry up!! Kinda puts a dampener on the mood of the day sometimes!
But after it all you can sit down and have a drink or 4!!
I alwasy wonder what goes through peoples minds on these days.... do they really care how everyone elses Christmas day is going or is it just something they send out automatically?
I got several replies from my Christmas SMS wishes...some personal, some multi recipient text. I guess there was really only 1 that i wanted to get a personalised one from....but it didnt come. It was a multi recipient text *sighs* and then my children didnt get to enjoy the full day with me bacause they were picked up EARLY!!!! for no reason at all as i later found out....apparently wires crossed.... but that seems to be happening alot more lately!! ......i think HE needs a tune up!
Christmas really isnt a good time to be alone.... I had no kids and pretty much no one to talk to. Everyone close to me was either enjoying the day with loved ones or a million miles away! It pretty much sux!
Now i get to look forward to making.....and soon breaking New Years Resolutions! Yay!!
My one given to me from work is "think before i speak and think about others when i proceed"
Maybe thats just coz i'm over most things at the moment and it shows in my work life, i dunno we'll see about this might last a week.
My personal one is to try and not let things get to me so much, stop making mountains out of mole hills and pretty much finalise my emotional detachment from everything!
I pretty much have done that ..... but unfortuantely i still hold a candle for 1 person in particualr and i cant seem to let go!!
I follow him from a distance (feel like a stalker sometimes) .....but i'm not! Dont hear from him for ages...get all upset coz i see things i dont like...... like the miraculous recovery of his partner whos meant to be stage 4 Ca Breast!! but somehow doesnt even look like shes had a cold :( ..... swear to myself that i will disengage after i blast the crap out of him and then WHAMO!!! he comes out with shit that makes me cry and wish he was here!!! ARGH!!! Getting soft!!.....I can NOT let myself fall back there ......must SLAP myself!!
Perhaps that can be my NYR. Its just hard letting go of the one thing you love in this world that isnt part of u :(
Anyway ..... this season makes you do and say all sorts of weird stupid crap .... so now that its out ...who knows maybe i can move on again!

Love Sun

Sunday, December 20, 2009

My Evil moment

I'm sorry but by the end of the year...i'm over work and most things that are annoying.
At the best of times i hate stupid people, but by the end of the year its so much worse!
Anyway i was taking this huge burly man around to theatre..... i was the Anaesthetic tech this day, so i actually have to interact with patients before they go to sleep *sighs* ....sometimes this ISNT a good thing.
I opened the curtains to see him almost jumping out of his skin in a pure scared sweat!! I look at him, and at my orderly and asked if we looked THAT scary!! He was terrified. As we wheeled him down the corridor i reminded him also that we had FOUR year olds that had this done all the time and THEY werent acting as badly as him. He was petrified of needles and to get him on the operating table was a feat in itself!!
With my orderly holding his hand on one side and me practically shielding the anaesthetist and holding him down on the other, we removed the emla cream (local anaesthetic) from his hand and he freaked again. We talked him through it and soon the needle was in. Now as the anaesthetist got his drugs ready i placed the mask over his face and instructed him it was ONLY oxygen and that i wanted him to fill his already F$#@ed up lungs with pure oxygen as the drugs were injected. He wearily looked up at me and said "Have you done this before?"
WELL!!!.................. i could NOT let this pass and without so much as a thought i responded......
"No mate! ...... But i googled it last night and it didnt look too hard, so i thought i'd give it a go!" ........
He could not run by this stage because of the drugs and my evil smirk probably didnt help...... but i finished him off with...... "Now think of something nice to dream about.......coz I'm going to be the last person you see........... before you fall asleep!"
I know ....evil huh? But it was so funny!!! and he DID remember me in recovery as i passed through and commented on giving up smoking now that he'd coughed up 1 of his lungs afetr extubation! lol
Thankgod i'm on holidays now, because i would hate to be my next few patients!!
Love Sun :)

Fool me once

Have you ever had one of those moments in your life when you suddenly think..... hang on.... something isnt right!
Well..... i realised after seeing a few things that i have been the biggest fool in the world!
Not only have i now become emotionally detached from everything and anyone, but now i pretty much have learnt NEVER to trust anyone or anything, because most things people say are a LIE!!
Yes folks ..... "the cake is a lie" and EVERYTHING associated to it!
One must be an excellent actor to draw someone in so much.
I now realised how easy it was to go from everyday contact to NOTHING. And now even the slightest contact is either VERY forced or the lie is extended.
I lost myself in someone after i had spent 30+ years promising myself i wouldnt. I even managed to get married and have 2 kids without opening myself up totally.
*sighs* I now know why i promised myself i never would.
How much pain and heartache can 1 person put another through before they stop, look back and realise with regret how bad they have been!
To see my best friend go through a similar yet NOT as supposidly BAD outcome based disease as someone else, to be told millions of lies about it and then months later see the other person looking happy and healthy as if NOTHING is wrong...... i feel like a MEGA fool!!
And then to be told there is still love and no one else, only to see someone well known prefessing their love over and over..... and the once constant invites to join things, websites, photos, apps, etc..... to NOTHING...yet this person is always just another follower. MMHMMMM ....just a friend, Riiiight!!
All i ever wanted was a little honesty..... something that could make me believe that humanity DID have a soul.
I was right...... i live in a souless society, that uses people to get what they need and dumps them instantly in their deepest darkest hour!
So perhaps i should be thanking you...... for destryoing me, or helping me rebuild the now impenetrable walls!!